We recently hired a new person into our team, and while the new employee had good transferable skills, our industry itself was new to them. After six weeks of training, and one on one coaching, the staff member started working autonomously and has been performing well.
However, the staff member has a habit of constantly apologising, and apologising for nothing, and apologising for apologising. Initially, we thought it just because they were new, and lacking a little a confidence. However, they’ve now been engaged with our organisation for almost three months, and the frequency of apologising hasn’t changed. It’s quite a unique situation.
As this has also been a new issue for me to deal with, I’ve decided to share my research, and the actions both the supervisor and myself have been taking to address the situation.
Firstly, we started to look at the different scenarios that gave rise to an impromptu apology from the staff member and found the majority of the apologies were without need or merit. However, what we did find is that these apologies were met with usual responses from ourselves such as “you’ve got nothing to apologise for”, or “you’re doing a great job”.
These type of responses made us start to think about what may have been driving these impromptu apologies – was it simply a habit that had formed, was the staff member lacking self confidence, feeling insecure and seeking validation, was the staff member feeling uncomfortable or was the staff member apologising as a sign of respect?
Initially, we have decided to attempt to deal with this matter indirectly, and have attempted to identify what we felt were the main reasons for the over apologising. At time point in time, we believe the main reasons for the apologies are due to the staff member feeling uncomfortable and insecure in a new industry, and a little bit of a habit that’s developed over time.
Therefore, in order to address this subtly, our first steps to combat the over apologising is to:
- Where there was no need for the staff member to apologise, we will say “you haven’t done anything wrong, therefore, there is no need to apologise.” We hope that by aligning the phase ‘doing something wrong’ with a valid reason for an apology, will help with messaging to stop apologising for no reason.
- In genuine situations where an apology was or is required and given by the staff member – the apology will be acknowledged and accepted. We hope this will bring to the attention of the staff member the ‘legitimacy’ of an apology.
- In other instances, we will start to ask simple questions to build awareness of the over apologising, such as “are you sure an apology is necessary here?” or similar. In the event, apologising is habitual, we hope this will build awareness and to act as a “pattern interrupt” to the staff member, instead of a reinforcement of the habit.
- We will continue to provide feedback relating to the tasks and duties the staff member is performing, and give praise where due, in order to build confidence.
These strategies are in play now, and we will monitor the frequency of the over apologising and take a change of tact if needed.
Our final step will be to address the over apologising directly with the staff member. If we cannot resolve it, as outlined above, it will need to be directly raised, as over apologising can have a negative impact on the perception of the team’s capabilities. In the event this occurs, we will also investigate alternative strategies to drill down into what is driving the over apologising, which at this time, we believe is linked primarily to a lack of confidence in the job.
If you have any tips on how to manage to manage a staff member who apologises too much, we love to hear them.